As I sit across the table in Starbucks talking to this God sent man, I start to look back at the conversations we have had. I know what his purpose is. I know what he is called to do. I even know his five and ten-year plan. His future looks so bright and our assignments seem to collide perfectly. But then I hear my mother’s voice in my head so clearly it was as if she was sitting right here with me, “But who is he right now?”
As a single Christian woman I am constantly downloading webinars, videos, and articles on how to discern the God sent from the counterfeit. I am taught to marry for purpose not emotions. I am taught to understand the assignment, purpose and call of the man sitting across from me at this Starbucks. And through all of this, during this courting process, I begin to get to know exactly who he is. I know, if he is obedient to God, a brief overview of what his walk will look like. As I look at him with admiration, honor and respect, I begin to see a person I could submit to. A person I could marry. I see the anointing on him, but I also see the flaws and I must ask myself, “If he never changes, will I still say yes?”
The reality is, when you chose to marry someone, you marry them as they are, right then and there. You have to make a decision, is the person across from me enough as they are right now for me to say yes for a lifetime?
No matter how much we desire to, we can never change someone. We can never fulfill someone else’s purpose and we can never say yes to God for them. That is an individual decision we all must make everyday. The only person you will ever be able to change is yourself.
You cannot marry someone for a decision they will make, for a purpose they will fulfill or an assignment they will complete. You must know these things and understand them, but you must also know the current walk this person is on right now, in this very season. You must ask yourself, can I say yes to this person for a lifetime?
You marry someone for who they are right there in front of you. You pray they will max out their life, but commit to loving them right where they are, and right where they will be, even if that position never changes.
Marriage is about propelling each other into purpose to advance the kingdom, and loving them no matter what decision they make. You know you’re ready for marriage when you look at the person sitting across from you in all of their glory, and the person you pray to change is yourself.