I was rehearsing a song the other day and one of the lyrics said “I’m denying myself so you can come and pour into me.” I’ve sung this song many times before, but this time that lyric started to resonate in my spirit.
For the last two weeks I was on a consecration after receiving a life-changing prophesy. After making a decision to follow the plan God has for my life, I wanted to catapult myself into this new season.
As you can expect, day one I was all for it. I had the scriptures I was going to study ready. I had the book I was going to read set aside. I got up, set a plan for my day, and started getting my breakfast ready.
Here come the internal conversations. “It won’t hurt to watch a little HGTV while you’re eating breakfast before you start studying.” One hour of TV turned into several…. It’s noon and now I’m hungry for lunch.
“I’ll just go get a quick bite to eat and then come back and start studying.”
Next thing I know, the day is over and I hadn’t picked up my bible once. As I said my prayer that evening I repented and actively had a desire to do better the next day.
I’ll save you the long story. In a nutshell, that one day turned into my entire week. By Friday, I was so mentally disappointed in myself that I started to break down. “Why can’t I just do what I planned to do for the day? Why is it so hard to motivate myself?”
What I really needed to be asking myself is, “how can I work on denying my flesh?”
That’s what I was doing. I was feeding my flesh over feeding my spirit.
I think that’s why that lyric starting to stir something in me. I thought all I had to do was make a plan for my week and just walk it out, but when you are used to feeding your fleshly desires it’s not always that easy.
Denying yourself, denying your flesh, is one of the hardest yet most gratifying things you could do in your walk with Christ. It’s hard to not watch TV all the time. All of your life, you’ve done what makes you feel good. And let’s be realistic, it feels better to stop thinking in front of the television instead of clearing your mind to really study God’s word. Well, that’s until you have a new assignment and the anxiety starts to kick in, but you haven’t filled yourself with enough of God’s word to ease your mind. Or when your friend becomes ill and you don’t feel as powerful to cast out the sickness in their body because you haven’t built up your faith on your own.
It’s a sacrifice. Plain and simple. You don’t always get to do the things your flesh desires. On the contrary, you have to deny your flesh everything it wants. That’s what that lyric meant by denying yourself. The more you feed your flesh, the less room you have for God to fill you.
You have to starve it, until there’s nothing left of you and all that’s present is God.