If you couldn’t tell by the title of this post, I am not a virgin. Being raised by a pastor in a household focused on kingdom living, I was told my entire childhood to wait to have sex until marriage. My mother would even go so far as to explain how short and unenjoyable sex had the possibility of being if I had sex in my teens. So why did I decide to have sex knowing it was a sin and it would create soul ties? There is not a short answer to that question. It was a combination of fighting to fit in with my peers, fighting for the attention of men to fill a void, trying to heal myself through other people and rebelling against what I saw as a strict upbringing.
So, I had sex against my parent’s wishes and knowing I had sinned. I kept having sex and to be honest, I enjoyed it. Not just the physical action, but my perceived emotional and mental connection with these men. In my youth and in my pain, I thought what I was feeling was real. I thought the love was real and I didn’t want the feeling to go away, so I kept having sex.
I remember the day I told my mother I was no longer a virgin. It’s a day I will never forget. The pain in her face, the disappointment she expressed caused a shift in my spirit I can’t really explain. I didn’t want to disappoint her, but I didn’t want to stop having sex either.
At the end of the day, I had to choose God. In the beginning I didn’t choose Him because I wanted to stop having sex. I chose Him because I wanted to stop hurting. I wanted to feel more complete by myself without a man. I wanted to be whole.
What would I tell the young single adult whose not a virgin? The person who is struggling with their desire to have sex? The person who is struggling with the fact that not having sex before marriage is biblical?
Pray. Build a relationship with God.
I wouldn’t talk about soul ties first or what having sex before marriage can do to someone spiritually. I would say, “Get closer to God.” Talk to Him about how your day is going, about the emotions you experienced and why you felt the way you did. It’s amazing how everything will shift with the presence of God in your life. A relationship with God will make all other choices that align with His plan easier to follow and all personal plans that don’t align harder to maintain. I’m not saying a relationship with God will automatically make your life perfect. What I am saying is a relationship with God will eliminate the doubt you may have about His word and create internal turmoil when the thought of sinning comes up.
No, my husband will not marry a virgin, but my husband will marry a woman who knows how to dive into God so intensely that even the thought of sin causes so much internal turmoil I get physically sick. A woman who understands that if my foundation is God and I am obedient to His word, all else will fall into line. A woman who chose purpose over my own personal plans.