Is God’s Love Enough for You?

Is God’s Love Enough for You?

I’ve had a total of three relationships in my life. Each were drastically different, yet taught me valuable lessons about myself and my love languages.

The first taught me the strength of a soul tie and how to properly communicate. The second taught me the difference between lust, worldly love, and Godly love. It also helped me understand that seeking wisdom from those over you is always a good idea. The third taught me how I want to be loved. It exposed my love languages. It also exposed how important it is to be equally yoked.

None of these relationships were with the person God has intended for me to be joined with. Yet I had grown used to companionship. In my last relationship, I had grown used to being treated like a Queen.

For the moment I’m single…now what?

What I’ve come to learn is there’s a beauty in being single. This season is not to be taken for granted.

During those lonely nights, when you just don’t want to be alone, who do you run to? It’s easy to text back someone you would just rather entertain, but won’t take serious. It’s easy to send that late night text to an ex. It’s easy to drown the feelings out with shots of tequila or a blunt.

But will you run to God first? Will you seek Him in such a way that His love fills every void?

That’s what being single has taught me. I used to run to men to fill voids that their love was never intended to fill. I had to learn that until God’s love was enough for me, no other man’s love would ever be received properly.

No man can be my God, and there’s no love like His.

And I don’t say this so you can think it’s easy. It’s not. It’s not easy to stop the lonely thoughts. It’s not easy to push through the negative emotions. It’s not easy to wait on God when you’d rather have Him send you your man NOW, but it’s worth it.

Your desires don’t always match your current heart condition. That’s the ugly truth. Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you’re ready for it.

His love is enough to heal you. His love is enough to fill your voids. His love is enough to give you peace. His love is enough to give you joy. His love is enough to help you find comfort in being single and waiting on Him.

The honest truth is no one can love you like God can. So stop wondering why no one loves you how you want to be loved and start focusing on the love that you were created to need.

A man’s love will never seem adequate until God’s love is more than enough.

Fasting Taught Me Who My Man Really Was

Fasting Taught Me Who My Man Really Was

Just a few weeks ago I made a decision to fast. First time IN MY LIFE I decided to fast on my own. The Daniel Fast. An entire five days of fruits, vegetables, and water. I was fasting for clarity. I was asking God some very tough questions and I wanted to hear clearly as to get guidance on what to do and honestly, it wasn’t the physical part of fasting that was the hardest.

As an emotional woman who has spent most of my life more broken than whole, I form emotional attachments to men that I shouldn’t out of my brokenness. Recently, I have formed one of these such connections. Although that connection had ended prior to the fast, I didn’t realize how dependent I had become on the wrong people until I took away the food that gave me a momentary distraction.

To put it simply, I am ready to be in love. I would like to get married soon and I dream and imagine my life with someone all the time. What we will do for the kingdom of God. How our relationship will be. The places we will reach together that would seem unreachable on our own. Yet my desires had caused me to shift my focus from waiting on God to scouting my options. Until I fasted.

Not being able to console my emotions with chocolate was devastating. So I prayed. Staring at my phone every two seconds realizing I didn’t have a significant other to talk to all the time made me feel lonely. So I prayed. Feeling down because I felt like my desire for a relationship was so far out of reach and I couldn’t eat fried chicken to distract me from the feeling. Yet again, I prayed.

Drink water. Get a negative thought. Pray. Drink more water. Vegetables. Fruit. Water. Feeling lonely? Prayer instead of chocolate. Water. Prayer

That was my week and honestly, I can’t wait to do it again. Why? Because I realized who my man really was! These emotional connections I felt like I needed from men never left me feeling complete, but those moments of intense prayer just to fight a thought or a graving with God left me feeling weightless. I felt free. I felt at peace. I felt loved.

I realized, I was never alone. The emotional connection I always craved was always right there, waiting for me to start the conversation.

In short, that week of fasting reminded me, God is first and foremost my number one man. He is my best friend. The strongest emotional and mental connection I will form. He is my love. He is my peace. There is nothing that can substitute that relationship. Not food. Not a man. Not even chocolate (and I LOVE chocolate).

If you’ve never made the decision to fast on your own, I highly encourage you to do so. Whether it’s to get clarity on an issue you’re struggling with, or just to get closer to God.

I came out of my fast completely in love with my Savior. I pray you will fall in love with Him, too. I promise, it’s the greatest love you’ll ever know.

My Tears Do Not Mean I am Weak

My Tears Do Not Mean I am Weak

Hey all. I’m not sure if any of you have noticed, but I haven’t posted in a while. There’s a few reasons for that. If you’ve read any of my previous posts you probably know that I sometimes struggle keeping a clear mental state. And lately, that has been a bit harder than normal.

Both my grandparents are pretty sick. My emotions have been running haywire. The attack on my mind has been nonstop.

I used to think that ignoring my emotions was how you battled them. Being hard meant being strong. The farther down I could push my emotions, the less I reacted to them, the more successful I was at mastering them, or so I thought. To be sensitive was to be weak. To cry was to show weakness and as a black woman in America, I was not meant to be weak.

It wasn’t just the way I was raised. My mother is actually quite sensitive and is the strongest person I know. Yet growing up I was more like my dad. My dad is fearless and strong. I never saw him cry. He always seemed to get things done and didn’t seem to be ruled by emotion. Yet each of my parents showed me the beauty and the power in both being sensitive, and the ability to make decisions without being ruled by emotion. Yet for me, I couldn’t seem to master balance and emotion in the same breathe so I chose to be more like my father. He always was on top of his emotions, never underneath their power.

So why couldn’t I be more like that? For most of my life that’s what I aimed to do. I would do everything I could not to cry. And when I did, I would get so angry with myself for every tear that fell. I still do sometimes.  It’s exhausting, but I thought it was necessary. How else could I possibly get through all the trials and tribulations of life?

In every relationship I’ve had I seemed to fall on one end of the spectrum or the other. In one relationship I was hard, emotionless and blunt. You could say I wasn’t the best friend a girl could have. In another I was overly emotional, cried all the time and seemed to never find a balance. I was told I was weak, a crybaby and easily manipulated because of my outward expressions of emotion. It was as if, no matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t successful.

And then, in my twenties, something in me starting to change. It started at church. Every time I would walk into church something would cause me to cry. At first I had no idea why, I would just become upset that I was crying.

God was changing something in me. He was allowing all the walls I had placed around my emotions, around my heart, to fall in His presence. He was changing what I thought about my tears. See, God is sensitive. Jesus cried. And He is not weak. So why did I think my tears meant weakness?

It took a long time to learn to see my tears as my strength. To look myself in the mirror, in the midst of my tears, and realize that as they fell, I grew.

My greatest victories have happened through my tears. I have forgiven through tears. I have been delivered as my tears fell. I learned to love myself in the midst of my emotions. I have learned to confront my emotions. To acknowledge them and let the tears fall. To move forward even with puffy eyes and a wet shirt. See, I realized that neglecting my emotions enabled my weakness, yet my tears could be partnered with my strength.

So lately, I’ve cried quite a bit. And I walk. Forward. Through my tears. And this makes me stronger than I have ever been. I don’t always feel strong for crying. Sometimes, I still get upset with myself as the tears begin to fall. I have to constantly affirm myself in my emotions. That they are normal. That they aren’t wrong. That I am entitled to have them. That I am entitled to feel. That I have to acknowledge them in order to move through them, in order to remain balanced and in control of my mind.

So cry when you feel the urge. Don’t be afraid to cry in public. Don’t be afraid to feel. For if you don’t acknowledge your emotions you give them a power over you. You become ruled by them. But if you let the tears fall and keep moving forward, you will find a strength you didn’t realize you had.

You Can Have The Religion, I’d Rather Sit With The Sinners

You Can Have The Religion, I’d Rather Sit With The Sinners

When did things become so segregated? Not just racially segregated, but religiously segregated. The branches of Christianity have turned into their own cliques and to be honest with you, I’m tired of it.

It’s like high school all over again. If you’re a Baptist, you sit at this table. If you’re a Pentecostal, you sit at that table. If you’re non denominational, there’s a table for you. If you believe in the universe, there’s a separate table for you. And, oh the atheists? You all are in the corner on the far side of the cafeteria. What are we, sixteen?! Since when did what you believe mean you had to be ostracized from everyone else? Oh, and don’t decide to sit at another table one Sunday. Don’t decide to try to learn about beliefs beyond your own. Don’t educate yourself about the world around you. Why would anyone want to do that? The world revolves around you and your clique, right? Now, everyone from your previous table is going to question whether you really believe in what you say you do. “You see her over there with the “universe” people. She says she believes in God, but I just don’t know.”

Look, the reality of it is this. We all want to believe in something and in our current society, there are a lot of options. Just because someone believes in something different then you doesn’t automatically make them this disease you must stay far away from. Oh, and it doesn’t mean you will become “infected” with their beliefs if you talk to them either. Well, unless you aren’t really sure what you believe, and you are just following whatever crowd you look the most like. Then, you might become infected with what’s around you, but that’s on you, not them.

Especially Christians. We have to stop making people feel less than us just because they believe in something different. Why would they want to be Christian if every Christian they know is “cliquish” and talks about everyone who isn’t like them? What’s attractive about that? To be honest, I wouldn’t want to sit at your table either.

That’s not what Jesus is about. That’s not what God is about. God doesn’t have cliques and He for sure doesn’t have prejudices or preferences when it comes to His children. Oh yeah, and if you forgot by chance, we are all His children. Even the atheist you have avoided in the hallway is God’s child. Just because he doesn’t believe in his creator, doesn’t mean God is all of a sudden not his creator anymore.

You want to make believing in God attractive? Get rid of the tables. Bring everyone into the same room. Just this big empty space where everyone must sit next to each other. Then, talk. Be open to what people have to say. Stop forcing Jesus down the throats of your peers and start learning the heart of those around you. Feel the pain in their voice, hear the desperation in their words, feel the love they express and realize we all aren’t much different then the next. We all want love, so show love. God is love. When you show love, you show them God. Just bring in the presence of God with your presence and let Him work.

I believe things can change. Come into the room, I promise it’s safe here. Just kick off your shoes, let your hair down, and drop your religion at the door.

Too Comfortable Being Hurt

Too Comfortable Being Hurt

It’s hard to imagine a life where you won’t be hurt at least once. Intentional. Unintentional. It just won’t happen. It didn’t happen with Jesus, it won’t happen with you. God never promised us a life where we won’t be hurt. He just promised us a way through it, yet some people never find their way through. Why? Could they possibly be too comfortable being hurt?

I share my life through this blog. I attempt to become as transparent and open as I can be. I show my imperfections on a blank slate and how I am learning how to heal and live more like Jesus. It’s not because it’s easy. Don’t, for a second, believe that being this vulnerable with people who may never meet me in person is something that is easy to do. It’s not, but I understand something about ministry and being a disciple of God. My story is not just for me. I don’t go through things so I can harbor them for myself for next time, but to share so that my brothers and sisters in Christ might travel through their pain a little easier than I did.

If you struggle telling your story, are you healed? If you keep your testimonies to yourself or only people you can trust, are you healed? If you think about your past and only feel shame, are you healed?

Asking yourself the hard questions are a necessary step in this healing process. I can promise that sometimes you will cry during your testimonies to others. Sometimes, anger will try to rise up and quiet you. Shame will try to rise up and hinder you. If those emotions didn’t come, Satan wouldn’t be doing his job and you can guarantee that he is always clocked in. So is the Holy Spirit.

More tears may fall than words may be spoken. More fear will rise than platforms to share, but PUSH. Push through the discomfort. Push through the pain. Don’t get comfortable being hurt. Be bold in your testimonies. Be proud of your scars and stop looking for someone to say sorry. They may never apologize, and so what. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for the mistakes you hold on to. You aren’t doing this for them, but for yourself. Being cleaned by grace doesn’t feel good all the time, but it’s worth it.

“…how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God” (Hebrew 9:14)

Don’t Give Me an Alias, I Want My Name In the Bible

Don’t Give Me an Alias, I Want My Name In the Bible

I don’t know about the rest of the women out there, but when I first read the bible I couldn’t help but notice how male dominated it is. Yes, there are a few women who are mentioned by name and have a popular story that almost everyone knows. But let’s be real. There had to be more than just Ruth, all the Mary’s, Esther, Eve, Elizabeth, Rachel, Hagar, Martha, and Rebekah. In all those centuries of living and there weren’t at least a few more women worth mentioning in the book that I am modeling my life after? Oh, and why are so many women in the bible mentioned without a name? Why aren’t they important enough to at least get a name? I’m not talking first and last, just a first name would have done. As if I needed another reason to fuel my confusion that was transitioning to being upset, why in the genealogy of Jesus were the mothers mentioned every blue moon? So everyone’s mother wasn’t important, just the daddy?

As you can probably tell from my myriad amount of questions, I wasn’t too happy about the inequality of men vs. women in the Bible. The first thing I thought to do was ask my mother. She’s a pastor AND a woman so maybe she had more insight that could ease my now inflated flame about this issue. Nope. Not only did she agree with me that women aren’t mentioned as much, she even told me that there was a certain woman who was actually written as being man in the Bible. WHAT? At this point I was upset with Jesus. He gave me this huge, dominant personality and then made me a woman. You better believe I had a silent one-way conversation with the Holy Spirit at that moment saying, “Oh, if I was born in Bible times I wouldn’t have been given an alias. You’re going to put MY name in the Bible.” I hadn’t really mastered the whole humility thing yet…

A couple of years passed and marriage became a popular topic of conversation. All of a sudden everyone wanted me to prepare to be a wife, which meant I had to learn how to submit under a man. Let’s just say Jesus and I weren’t the best of friends at this point. First, you don’t want to practice equality by not naming women as much you named men, BUT THEN, you want me to submit to a man AND you at the same time? Honestly, I thought God had lost his mind for a second.

Let me take a second to acknowledge all of the religious people currently reading this post and who are upset with me and the way I talk to God. Listen, if you can’t be honest with yourself and say that there were certain things God has asked you to do or different passages in the Bible that make you think “God, you are trippin’ right now,” then you must just go to church on Sunday and go home with no changes at all. Just because I asked a question doesn’t mean I’m not obedient. It means my relationship with God is real, honest, and vulnerable. He’s my best friend. If you have a problem with that, talk to Jesus about it.

Alright, now back to the point. Through all my frustration and with all of my questions I was really just asking God,  “Aren’t I as important?” See, I thought having a name equaled importance. The more popular and well-known the more important right? I also viewed submission as a negative act. Socially, it is most commonly said with a negative connotation. I adopted this viewpoint without realizing it. I so desperately wanted women to be equal to men in the Bible, when in reality my view of what equality is was wrong.

Here comes my revelation. I was told by one of my favorites, Pastor Jerry Flowers, ONLY women have the power to conceive, carry, nurse and birth. See, a woman’s power is just different from a man’s. Just as powerful, just different. Then, my mom taught me about that word, submission. To submit to a man through marriage is a choice and through this choice, your union is endowed with power. As you submit to your husband, he also submits to God. This union is a commitment between both individuals and God, not a loss of individual power and purpose.

Now, in regards to the lack of equality of women’s vs. men’s name in the Bible, I had to come to terms with that through my own meditation. Why did it bother me so much that women weren’t named or mentioned? Well, instead of answering that question for me God asked me another. “What are you doing this for? For My glory or for yours?” That rebuke wasn’t easy to take, but of course God was right. My issue wasn’t with the Bible, but with my heart. I wanted to be like those people in the Bible who did great works for God, but I wanted to do it for the fame and popularity, not taking into account the sacrifice. Many of those people sacrificed their lives, yet I was worried about a name.

If at any point you ever find yourself like me, asking God questions about the Bible and about topics that have made you upset, always be willing to look within. Ask yourself why. If at any point the answer is not “for the glory of God,” be ready to go through a heart change. In my humility, I had to accept that my questions came from my imperfections, not God’s. God is perfect. I am not.

My Husband Won’t Marry a Virgin

My Husband Won’t Marry a Virgin

If you couldn’t tell by the title of this post, I am not a virgin. Being raised by a pastor in a household focused on kingdom living, I was told my entire childhood to wait to have sex until marriage. My mother would even go so far as to explain how short and unenjoyable sex had the possibility of being if I had sex in my teens. So why did I decide to have sex knowing it was a sin and it would create soul ties? There is not a short answer to that question. It was a combination of fighting to fit in with my peers, fighting for the attention of men to fill a void, trying to heal myself through other people and rebelling against what I saw as a strict upbringing.

So, I had sex against my parent’s wishes and knowing I had sinned. I kept having sex and to be honest, I enjoyed it. Not just the physical action, but my perceived emotional and mental connection with these men. In my youth and in my pain, I thought what I was feeling was real. I thought the love was real and I didn’t want the feeling to go away, so I kept having sex.

I remember the day I told my mother I was no longer a virgin. It’s a day I will never forget. The pain in her face, the disappointment she expressed caused a shift in my spirit I can’t really explain. I didn’t want to disappoint her, but I didn’t want to stop having sex either.

At the end of the day, I had to choose God. In the beginning I didn’t choose Him because I wanted to stop having sex. I chose Him because I wanted to stop hurting. I wanted to feel more complete by myself without a man. I wanted to be whole.

What would I tell the young single adult whose not a virgin? The person who is struggling with their desire to have sex? The person who is struggling with the fact that not having sex before marriage is biblical?

Pray. Build a relationship with God.

I wouldn’t talk about soul ties first or what having sex before marriage can do to someone spiritually. I would say, “Get closer to God.” Talk to Him about how your day is going, about the emotions you experienced and why you felt the way you did. It’s amazing how everything will shift with the presence of God in your life. A relationship with God will make all other choices that align with His plan easier to follow and all personal plans that don’t align harder to maintain. I’m not saying a relationship with God will automatically make your life perfect. What I am saying is a relationship with God will eliminate the doubt you may have about His word and create internal turmoil when the thought of sinning comes up.

No, my husband will not marry a virgin, but my husband will marry a woman who knows how to dive into God so intensely that even the thought of sin causes so much internal turmoil I get physically sick. A woman who understands that if my foundation is God and I am obedient to His word, all else will fall into line. A woman who chose purpose over my own personal plans.

None Of Us Are Worthy

None Of Us Are Worthy

I have friends from all types of backgrounds. Some of them have been in the church their entire life. Some are new believers and even others are struggling with the concept of God. Recently, I’ve heard the scriptures about the woman with the constant bleeding over and over in sermons and I started to think about my friends. About the friends who have told me they don’t feel comfortable in church or who don’t feel worthy enough to walk through the doors. The friends who have shared how they sometimes dislike talking to Christians because of how unfit they feel during the conversation, as if the conversation caused a hit to their self-esteem instead of uplifting them.

I thought again of this woman with constant bleeding. In her society, she was the lowest of the low. She was unworthy, unclean and could not be touched. She couldn’t go into the synagogue. She wasn’t worthy of a conversation, even from the holiest of those around her. I thought about how similar my friends are when compared to this woman and I realized how much I don’t want to be like those people in her world.

Why has the church become a place only available to those who have a certain look or a certain faith? Why are Christians so judgmental? Have we forgotten none of us are worthy?

The moment that woman pushed through the crowd, I don’t want to be an onlooker moving away from her presence. I want to push her closer to Jesus. I don’t want to be Jairus asking Jesus why he stopped. I want to be the person who is grateful that God is God for EVERYONE, NO MATTER WHAT. I don’t want to be the disciples who questioned why Jesus would stop and question who touched Him. I want to be the person who reaches out and finds those who need God and is there to disciple them in their journey.

As believers, we have to stop looking at someone through their circumstance or how they look on the outside. At the end of the day, NONE OF US ARE WORTHY.

If someone came into church straight from the club, how will we look at them? If someone came into church with a swastika tattoo on their arm, how would we interact with them? If someone came into church with his pants below his butt, what will we think of him? Will we love them? Will we not judge them? Will we stand beside them, love on them, hug them, cheerfully talk to them? If you can’t say you would, then YOU ARE WRONG, not the other person.

Jesus is for everyone, despite their past or present decisions. At the end of the day we all have a past, and you never know someone’s story. At some point in time we all sat in the same seat.

“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

Your story is special, simply because what you have been through allows you to see God and love Him in a way unlike anyone else. Jesus said it himself. If you have a lot to be forgiven for, you have a lot to love him for.

I was told today, “Stop saying “Why me.” Instead, say Thank God its me”, because the story I will have to tell can change the hearts of thousands.

And for those of you who feel above having friends who are still in the Genesis of their journey, you need to wake up and get over yourself. All of Jesus’ friends were sinners. Every single one of them, no matter the sin.

Believers, let’s stop looking at the cover of someone’s book, or the first page. Instead, love on someone because you never know what’s in someone’s pages.

And remember, at the end of the day, without the blood NONE OF US ARE WORTHY.

He’s Bigger Than It All

He’s Bigger Than It All

Lately, I have been warring with religion. I don’t like the disconnect religion has created between believers. I disagree with the way we treat people who have a different belief or don’t fit into the rules and regulations placed on the category of “Christian.” Where is the love in any of that? Where is God? Where does it say to talk about those who are different from you? Where is it written to stop loving and communicating with someone because they didn’t fit into the idea you created for them?

Sitting in church, God gave me a word. Its simple and easy to understand. I could go into explaining each line, but I won’t because I feel like that is unnecessary. Just read it with an open mind and an open heart.

“Don’t you know that I am bigger than you

Don’t you know that I am bigger than your problems

Don’t you know that I am bigger than your denominations 

Don’t you know the I am bigger than the rules you place on yourself or My people

Don’t you know that I am bigger than your prejudice 

Don’t you know that I am bigger than your sin 

Don’t you know that I am God 

Stop trying to place Me in a box

Stop trying to place Me within the limits of your mind, the limits of your imagination 

I am greater than all of that

I am greater

I am God”

You will know I am a believer and a follower of Christ, because when you look at me you will see love. In my actions and in my words I will exude it.

If I have ever done or said anything to anyone that was not out of love, I am sorry. Please forgive me. If I ever wish to be anything, I wish to be an example of His love.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Rape Culture In America, Yes You Too Church

Rape Culture In America, Yes You Too Church

Rape. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women will be raped at some point of their lives.

Rape culture? The idea that a woman holds some responsibility for her objectification by men. That she’s somehow responsible for what this objectification causes a man to do. We see it everyday. As women, we live it. We even have the nerve to tell our young girls that affection from men comes in the form of harassment such as pinching or teasing.

“Don’t wear this or you’re asking for it.” “If you just would’ve danced a little less seductively…” “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have had that many drinks.”

In this male-dominated society where men are given the majority of the responsibility, somehow, when it comes to sexual assault, the majority of the responsibility falls on the woman.

For all of you religious churchgoers who look out into the world as if the world never enters the church, don’t be so naive. The rape culture exists in the church too.

Not too long ago I was at church for a rehearsal. I wore a dress and covered my waist with a shirt, yet was pulled to the side by another woman of the church to be told my outfit was inappropriate. She then proceeded to say that if there had only been women at the rehearsal, I would have been fine, but because men were there I was inappropriately dressed. Now using wisdom, I made sure to verify my outfit was appropriate with my spiritual covering who was also at this rehearsal. She told me I was fine.

To tell a woman that she is solely responsible for the way men view her and how they act towards her is exactly what rape culture is. When are we going to say that men play a role in the way that they think about women when they look at them? When will men be solely responsible for their thoughts and actions?

If what I was wearing that day would have been church appropriate in a congregation of women, then it is just as appropriate in a congregation of men. Oh, and what about homosexuality? If a woman is attracted to me based on what I am wearing am I still dressed appropriately or am I all of a sudden inappropriately dressed?  I am not responsible for what men choose to do with their thoughts. I am not responsible for a man not being able to control his actions. HE is responsible and only him. I am only responsible for presenting myself in a way that pleases God. I am NEVER responsible for someone assaulting me because of what I am wearing.

Instead of only telling our daughters and sisters to change what they are wearing as a result of men, we need to start addressing the mindset men have in regards to how they look at women and what they do about these thoughts. Maybe instead of saying “change your outfit” to women, we say “change your mindset” to men.

Men, take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.

Women, be beautiful and love the body you are born with. Dress in a way that makes you happy and is uplifting for yourself. Dress in a way that pleases God and gives your spirit peace. You are not responsible for any sexual assault directed towards you. YOU ARE NEVER RESPONSIBLE. So hold your head high and love every inch of yourself. Your body is beautiful and deserves to be respected and cherished.

We must hold men to a higher standard of thinking. We must tell men that they are the only ones responsible for their actions. THAT is the change that needs to happen. Only then will rape culture find its necessary descent from our present to our past.

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