If there’s only thing I’ve learned about ministry over the years, my life story is not for myself. Instead, it is a testimony I will use to proclaim the nature of God to others. With that being said, learning to forgive has been my hardest battle. In short, there are three people who I have harbored unforgiveness towards for a very long time. I am gong to write a letter to each of these people, one living and two deceased, here on this blog in hopes that my story will help you learn to forgive as well.
It’s been a very long time. I don’t remember that last time we spoke, but over the years you have been on my mind quite often. You were my very first girlfriend that I called family. You were my sister. Yet one terrible night in college started years long cycles of unforgiveness, harbored anger and quiet tears. There’s something you might not know, but I still struggle to forgive myself for that night. I blamed myself and after finding out you had begun to hate me too, I thought you blamed me. I still don’t know whether my thoughts are your reality, or whether you have any love in your heart for me…
The way you dismissed my love, and the love from my family, was a pain I knew too well; rejection. A rejection that caused years of anger. There were days I regretted this Philos love. Days I wished I could forget, but anger brought the memory all too near.
It was my mom who helped me realize that I wasn’t angry with you for hurting me; I was angry with you for leaving me. In short, I missed you, my sister. Holding on to the unforgiveness was a way of distracting myself from the root of my pain; how could I still love someone who rejected me? My issues with rejection stem long before you, but my inability to forgive you continued my slow descent into the trap of unforgiveness.
I’m done with unforgiveness. I can no longer allow this to keep me from completing my purpose. How can I praise God for His endless mercies, yet not utilize one of His greatest gifts, the ability to forgive? So today I say, I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me. I miss you. I hope you miss me. Whether God calls for a restorative friendship, or this simply becomes a love relationship in passing, I will always see you as my sister. I can only hope God has blessed you more than you could have ever dreamed.